Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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