we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
