chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
