Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
