He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
