YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
