No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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