Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
