Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
