I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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