p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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