HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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