Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
