im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
