Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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