Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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