About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
