his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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