Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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