Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
