He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
