I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
