why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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