I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
