if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
