I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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