went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
