I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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