Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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