I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize