everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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