Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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