forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
