What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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