hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
