Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
