He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
