Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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