I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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