I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im part way to drunk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
