wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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