He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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