we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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