He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
