**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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