Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
