I think my fart just growled at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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