i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
