Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
