My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
