Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
