Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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