I cut my penus on the lid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize