dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
