I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
