Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
