at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
