Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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