what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
