woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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