So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
