I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have post one night stand depression
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
