I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
