did you get engaged???
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
