I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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