stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
