even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
