I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
