hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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