i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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