What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
