I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
