well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.