I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Dating After Heartbreak
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.