Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
