3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
