He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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