last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
