you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
