Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize